Most of the time when I write these blogs I talk about what I'm doing, not how I'm feeling. You see a picture of me dancing on a truck at a tailgate and you think, you know that I must be having fun. But Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, photos in general are deceiving. I can make you think you know something about me when you couldn't be further from it. So let's start with the honest truth - how does it feel to be 18,000 miles from home, one month in ?
Well you could look at this graph and let maths answer the question.
But then again I've never really felt maths was very good at displaying emotion. Maths at school certainly didn't understand my emotions, like when I sweated and cried profusely over my statistics exam only to get an achieved ( a C for those American people) ! This graph doesn't represent my emotions - my own blue line would sink dramatically - my first day, the heat, the showers that looked like the set of Orange is the New Black ... But then it would rise again, and keep on going up and up.
I haven't had the little blip of homesickness on this chart because I haven't had time to give home a moments thought ! My life is a rush of classes, socialising, partying, classes and sleep. I've hardly even opened a textbook or watched TV - my days have taken on a fast paced, no breaks rhythm leaving me gushing for air in the moments I do have alone.
The maths got one thing right though - culture shock. My handy little "Study Abroad Survival Guide" says culture shock is " the personal disorientation a person may feel when experiencing an unfamiliar way of life". Disorientation is not the right word to use when a freshman walks past you in the street wearing just a bra or when your housemates do shot after shot of vodka. It also doesn't explain how you feel when you're forced to use your accent and your femininity to get into a frat party. If there's one thing Americans know how to do better than New Zealand it's not eating or entrepreneurship but drinking. I've never seen people drink so much and so quickly than I have at Penn State. I've also never been so aware of the power of my oen body than standing on the doorsteps of frat houses asking the 18 years pledge to let me in. In this situation your body is your currency - frat boys only want girls in their house and they're not afraid to say it. I feel like you can't really get into the mood of a party when your too busy having a feminist argument in your head. Even when you feel like you've just landed on the set of Bad Neighbours.
Another minor blip in the blue line has been friends. But wait you say, Caitriona you clearly have friends ? I do ! I have the most outrageously funny and caring group of fellow exchangees. They are the best, and no exclamation point, bold or underline can emphasize this point enough. Making American friends though is not as easy. Connection and shared experiences are so important in a friendship but when you know nothing about the States, the culture, football or even politics it's so much more difficult to keep a conversation going. It's especially difficult when you decide to take a class in State Politics, only having to admit on the first day that you didn't realise each state in America has their own government ! It's amazing, this little fact honestly blew my mind ! Coincidently it also blew the mind of my professor who gave me an all knowing - how the hell did they let you in here - kind of look when I mentioned this on our first day. But you know what, I'm going to keep going and try to be charming, outgoing and continue to embarrass myself at any available opportunity !
Well you could look at this graph and let maths answer the question.
But then again I've never really felt maths was very good at displaying emotion. Maths at school certainly didn't understand my emotions, like when I sweated and cried profusely over my statistics exam only to get an achieved ( a C for those American people) ! This graph doesn't represent my emotions - my own blue line would sink dramatically - my first day, the heat, the showers that looked like the set of Orange is the New Black ... But then it would rise again, and keep on going up and up.
I haven't had the little blip of homesickness on this chart because I haven't had time to give home a moments thought ! My life is a rush of classes, socialising, partying, classes and sleep. I've hardly even opened a textbook or watched TV - my days have taken on a fast paced, no breaks rhythm leaving me gushing for air in the moments I do have alone.
The maths got one thing right though - culture shock. My handy little "Study Abroad Survival Guide" says culture shock is " the personal disorientation a person may feel when experiencing an unfamiliar way of life". Disorientation is not the right word to use when a freshman walks past you in the street wearing just a bra or when your housemates do shot after shot of vodka. It also doesn't explain how you feel when you're forced to use your accent and your femininity to get into a frat party. If there's one thing Americans know how to do better than New Zealand it's not eating or entrepreneurship but drinking. I've never seen people drink so much and so quickly than I have at Penn State. I've also never been so aware of the power of my oen body than standing on the doorsteps of frat houses asking the 18 years pledge to let me in. In this situation your body is your currency - frat boys only want girls in their house and they're not afraid to say it. I feel like you can't really get into the mood of a party when your too busy having a feminist argument in your head. Even when you feel like you've just landed on the set of Bad Neighbours.
Another minor blip in the blue line has been friends. But wait you say, Caitriona you clearly have friends ? I do ! I have the most outrageously funny and caring group of fellow exchangees. They are the best, and no exclamation point, bold or underline can emphasize this point enough. Making American friends though is not as easy. Connection and shared experiences are so important in a friendship but when you know nothing about the States, the culture, football or even politics it's so much more difficult to keep a conversation going. It's especially difficult when you decide to take a class in State Politics, only having to admit on the first day that you didn't realise each state in America has their own government ! It's amazing, this little fact honestly blew my mind ! Coincidently it also blew the mind of my professor who gave me an all knowing - how the hell did they let you in here - kind of look when I mentioned this on our first day. But you know what, I'm going to keep going and try to be charming, outgoing and continue to embarrass myself at any available opportunity !
One month in and I'm having the time of my life. I could not have asked for a better way to begin my ten months abroad. Don't dispair though I will keep you up to date with the mathematical accuracy of my little graph which is predicting a deepening in the relationship for this month. I can't wait !
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